wrigley field is MILF paradise
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
