im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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