fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
