he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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