just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
