I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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