the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
