I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
50% drunk capacity currently
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
