when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Randomize
