My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Why did my mother make you get naked?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
