The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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