i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
