You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
