everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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