don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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