Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
