She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
