I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Randomize
