I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
