Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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