I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Randomize
