Will you blow on my dice?
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Randomize
