After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
