New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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