just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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