so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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