If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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