And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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