Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
