Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Randomize
