Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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