my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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