Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Randomize
