I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
