he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Randomize
