This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
