I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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