you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
