Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
