Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
