Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
