she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
