He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
