dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
