Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
