Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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