I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
