Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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