You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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