I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
